First Semester Reflection

My first semester was incredible. For the past 3 months I have lived out of a suitcase, traveling around Winnipeg to Calgary, Banff, Shushwap Lake, Mission, Abbotsford, Hope, Vancouver, Canmore, back to Calgary and then Home. I have experienced God in ways I couldn't have imagined, with a community of 31 people that I would now call a Church, because we strive to know God together. We seek his answers, pray together, worship together, experience the Holy Spirit's presence, reflecting on His involvement in our lives and the growth He has influenced in our community. Through these experiences I have learned that a community is very important for Christians so we can hold each other accountable, learn and grow together and through each other, and help each other when we are struggling spiritually.

The reason I first took this program was because I was looking for the direction God had for me. If people asked me what I pictured myself doing in 5-10 years I would have replied, "Some sort of evangelic missions in far away countries that need to know Jesus." But now if I were to be asked the same question I am not so sure I would have the same answer. Throughout this semester, I have experienced such a need, such a thirst for Christ's love, here in our cities, in our towns, in the Church in North America. I have been a part of this society all my life but blind to what I was a part of. I would walk down the streets or in malls with my eyes forward, on a mission because I have a busy life and things to do, not knowing or thinking of what God might want me to do.

My eyes were opened walking through East Hastings in Vancouver, the poorest postal code in Canada, with human beings shooting up all around you while sitting beside piles of their own excrement, then walking to the richest postal code in Canada, West Hastings (the same street), where a sky- scraper was being built with a pent house worth a few billion dollars. West Hastings looked much like the streets of any city; people, busily walking by each other, the world flying by all around them. The strange thing is that I experienced more love on East Hastings. If I smiled at someone on East Hastings, homeless or not, they would give me an overly-enthusiastic grin and probably start a conversation, whereas if I happened to catch a busy-body's eye and smiled on West Hastings and Robson St. they would either look confused, give me a dirty look, or look straight ahead and ignore me. How many times have I done that? These experiences have shed light on our society and how some of my actions have been molded by it more than by Jesus. It also made me think about how the little things can make such a difference because the Spirit is working all the time.

One statement has stuck with me. Rudy, a first nations woman who used to be a prostitute told us her story. She would be standing on the street corner on Sunday morning watching the people drive to church. None of them would look at her. She felt shamed, like she didn't deserve to be there, like they were too good for her. She screamed to those in the cars going by, she screamed to God wanting them to just look at her, to acknowledge her existence. She tried to commit suicide that morning. How many times could that have been me in the car, oblivious to the real world around me, in my comfort bubble?
Rudy used to be invited to church but she said, "What's the point? I feel bad enough about myself already." What is wrong with the church that it gives off that kind of an impression? I am a part of the Church. Am I accurately expressing God's love to everyone...no. I can always do it better. Somehow the North American Church has given off the vibe of the bad judgment instead of the loving accountability of Jesus. It gives off the judgment that is not meant to help but to hinder. How do we reverse this? How do we show the world otherwise?

This is why a strong Christian community is crucial. It’s a place where there is enough of God's love, compassion, and forgiveness so that we can address our brothers and sisters and where we can share with others our own struggles. If we let the world know that we know we are not perfect, would that change their views?

I have learned that being a Christian is really, really hard. Jesus asked us to do really hard things. I heard about this man that was on a late night Christian show. People called in and asked questions about Christianity and he would answer them on the air most of the time with quotes of Jesus from the Gospels. But soon he was told that Jesus' words were too harsh and he had to stop quoting Jesus on the air. This misses the entire point. Yes, Jesus asks a lot from us, and we are supposed to love him. And if we truly loved God wouldn't we want to please him? We are actually called to be like Jesus, use him as an example. I used to think that this would be impossible. But why would such a loving God ask us for something that is impossible? And the amazing thing about it is that God loves us no matter what. No matter how many times we fall, we are saved by Grace. We just have to sincerely ask for forgiveness.

So how can I give back to God? How can I possibly thank Him for what He has given me? Worship. I am discovering how I can worship God in my day to day life; how to do everything for His glory. A loving relationship takes work. God doesn't just want me to sing praises to Him, He wants me to live for Him. Walk with Him and include Him in all aspects of my live. He wants me to be a worshiper in spirit and in truth. It was CS Lewis who said, "It is in the process of being worshiped that God communicates His presence to us."

One of our speakers, Garreth Goosen, told us a story about a pastor who noticed a change in the post-service conversation at his church. Instead of walking out of church talking about how they experienced God they would be talking about how their professional worship band sounded. He was very disturbed by this and decided to take music out of his church all together. This caused the church to shrink by half. For a few months the people who continued to worship there would meet in a circle, pray, talk and discuss God and the Bible. The focal point of their worship time changed from the music to the glory of God.
And during this time of fasting from singing the Pastor wrote the song: "It's all about you."
“When the music fades, all is stripped away, and I simply come
Longing just to bring something that's of worth, that'll bless your heart.
I bring you more than a song for a song in itself is not what you have required.
You search much deeper within than the way things appear.
You’re looking into my heart.
I'm coming back to the heart of worship, cause it's all about you, it's all about you Jesus.”

I am now learning what it means to lay down my desires and life for Christ. Part of this is being able to accept everything with open hands; all gifts and talents, everything I am blessed with, taking nothing for granted. Be willing to give it all away, back to God. Another speaker, Nathan Regher, talked to us about idols and he said that any thing at all that gives me value, status, power or pleasure that only God is supposed to give me is an idol. When I look to something other than God for my identity, it is an idol because I am allowing it to take the place of God in my life, making it bigger and more important than God. I found this very hard to think about and am still reflecting on what it means in my life.

Another thing that I have learned during my first semester is the importance of prayer, reading the word, being silent, and having conversation with God. We should always question and look for the answers in the word of God. And when I pray, God answers me, a lot of times I am just too busy to notice. That is why it’s important to build silence into my relationship with God.

The mission statement of Outtaown is, "Knowing Yourself, Knowing God, Knowing the World." I have learned so much about myself, God and the world around me. Not solely from my classes, but from applying the classroom lectures to my everyday experiences. I have learned so much that I don't think I can even comprehend what most of it is or how it has affected me yet. I have been challenged beyond what I thought was possible. But everything that I have learned has been intertwined with God's love and grace, something that I do not deserve and yet am required to share with others.

By: Rachel Kamps